To The Girl Who Will Replace Me

January 10, 2015

To the girl who will replace me,

January the 9th, at around 11 p.m., MNL time, about a few hours ago, my heart broke and the pain felt like knives stabbing nonstop. As you now know, my boyfriend and I just broke up. Well.. He broke up with me. He had important things to do and he just couldn’t commit some time for me anymore as a boyfriend. I understood that. He wanted and needed to pursue a big dream of his. He has been thinking about it for so long and I kind of figured he didn’t want me or himself to get hurt because in pursuing the dream, we have to face big downfalls. As for me, I know he needed his own time and I understood that. It just hurts to realize that the man I truly love will no longer exists for now. Better yet, he said.. He felt like we’re just no longer the same anymore and he just doesn’t love me as much as he did before.

Anyway, dear girl, it’s not my purpose to let how know much of what happened.  I sat down, took a lot of time think about things here and there, him, you and the future. And then I wrote this down for you. There things that I need to let you know and I ask of you.. Please hear me out.
When you get to know him better, don’t let it surprise you that you eventually fell in love with him. He’s a dedicated guy so you’ll definitely appreciate every commitment and dedication he puts in on his field of interests. You will see his hard work and passion all throughout when it comes to his line of preference. It is always one huge thing that made me fall in love with him and so you will too. I would appreciate it if you would commend him for things he does to better himself at something he really wants; just being himself and not being who you or anybody else wants to be.

He’s intelligent. He will open up one clever subject after another with the new subject being opened from the previous one. Random ideas are also fun but make it interesting and extra ordinary for him when you talk too. Let him do the talking and you’ll learn. It works both ways. When he asks and he lets you do the talking, say it all because he wants to learn from you. Whenever you’re together with him, talk to him as if you’re not just talking to a person you love, but to a person who’s got big potential of being a world chess master someday. And oh, by the way, he digs chess a lot, so please consider that too.

Somehow related from the statement above; He loves good company. If there is one thing I could say now for him to like you, that is to be a good company to him. He will appreciate you and adore you when you acknowledge him. He loves a good talk. As you are now the subject of his attention, he will talk to you and share really fun and interesting things to you even up until the wee hours of night and over the phone because he finds it that you’re the person that he could be around with and just be himself. He’s pleased about how comfortable he is talking to another person without having to hide any side of him at all. He’ll love you more for it. I ask you to be a good company to him, regardless if you’re together in person or not. He will understand if you’re busy and don’t have time when he looks for you but rest assured you’ll be impressed on how long he will wait for you until you say “Hi, it’s been a while. How are you?” And you’ll definitely enjoy the conversation after that.

Your guy is a video gamer. A dedicated one. As you know, dedicated video gamers are bright and intelligent people. Once this person starts to admire someone, trusts me, he’s unsure of what to do most times but he will put so much effort on the one he likes/loves. He’s into fighting games, strategy games, brain games and RPGs. Anything that will have him challenge and practice his thinking. Bring him to arcades and support him, go with him during random matches and tourneys with people at the arcades or game shop and cheer for him. Too bad, I wasn’t that good at his video game so it would be a plus if you know how to play it so that the both of you could sometimes play together or compete with one another for delight and added sweetness to your relationship.

Weather can affect how he carries out every day. He’s used to the hot weather so make sure you bring an extra jacket or a hoodie for him when you go out in the cold , like taking an hour-long bus rides and going to air-conditioned places like the cinemas (where the temperature is very low) to watch a movie together. He shivers and trembles in cold pretty bad if his body can’t take it so please take note of this. Hug him to add warmth and he will hug you back. Everyone loves hugs.

He has really thick black hair. You’ll love how soft and thick his hair is. He loves it if when you caress and run your fingers through his hair when you kiss and/or have sex. Don’t try to think about grabbing a comb to run through his hair though because he wants to do himself. If you really insist, ask him first. I never got to ask him so you can try that for a change. I’ll trust that you’ll be fine.

On the topic of sex, he was my first. But from what I know, like most men, he needs sex. When you have sex with him, he mostly does the hard work, if you know what I mean. Commend him each time you feel good; He loves it when he hears it from you and he gets so into it that you too will surely take pleasure in what the both of you are doing. Run your fingers through his hair and kiss him while you’re at it, he loves that too. Sometimes, do your side and do your best to make it feel as good as his. It’s give and take.

But of course, he is not all about sex. He’s a gentleman. He’ll reach out to you on bed and will ask you politely if it’s okay to do it. Another remarkable thing about him is that if you don’t feel like it, he will respect your decision without feeling bad about it. But he will ask if he can kiss you for the least. Us, being women, we never say no to kisses from our man right? So at least kiss him and hug him if your body doesn’t want to do the thing.

Like every relationship, there will be rough times. I must say, he’s kind of out of himself and weak when explaining his side but please understand that it will never be his intention to hurt you. He just sometimes doesn’t know the words to say so I ask for your sympathy. He doesn’t want to hurt you, believe me.  With that said, some times, he will quote lines from some songs because when he knows he’s saying it all wrong, he will try his best to redeem himself and find you the best song to express what he truly feels or want to say. He’ll dive deep to the internet or elsewhere only to find you that one song or two to fit whatever situation you both are in.

Speaking of devoted songs, you guessed it.. He’s also into music. When you’re about to play some songs around him, put your iPod or any music player on shuffle and you must make damn sure that bands such Saves The Day, Brand New, Taking Back Sunday, Motion City Soundtrack, Circa Survive, Coheed and Cambria and Alkaline Trio are all in there. Prioritize Saves The Day if you can though. That’s his favourite band. If I missed out any artist/band that is on top of his list, it’s your call. Anyway, you’ll know his favourites eventually too. And he’s there to make you like and appreciate those bands and genres as well.

That’s all I’ve got so much to say but, dear replacement, to sum it all up, please take good care of him. If there is something I forgot to say, I’m sorry but whoever you will be, you’ll know him too. And yes, you’ll get to know him more than I do.

I’m sorry but last touches! He likes french fries and potato crisps so buy him those sometimes when you date. He also likes beer but please make sure you don’t let him drink too much. He also does weed and other things that get him high so please, I would owe you so much if you could try to influence him into considering on stopping that. He loves a good listener and good company so if you can, be there when he needs someone to talk to. He has a noteworthy taste in anime, books, manga series, movies, music and video games so make sure you take note of the kinds he’s into so you know where and how to look for a gift for him. You’ll have fun for sure! He gets cold easily so give him warmth as soon as he feels it. He doesn’t like being beaten on arcades so easily just because he didn’t press the buttons fast enough, so for sure you’ll see him in disappointment afterwards. It’s your job put it in words and in action that he’s still one of the best competitors out there, that he’s the best gamer for you and then give him a kiss to the cheek. When he asks you for sex, give it to him but if you can’t, tell it to him kindly and at least give him some kisses and cuddles in bed. He loves cuddles too. If you sleep together, make sure not to wake him up sloppily. He needs his rest so if you really need to wake him up, reach out your hands to his face slowly and kiss his cheek while you tell him to wake up with a soft sweet voice.  Help him prepare his things when he goes out and don’t forget to tell him that he looks handsome and that his outfit looks real good on him.

Umm, I don’t what I’m missing but it’s all on you now so make the best of it.

I know there is another author who wrote something like this too and honestly, I got the idea from that author’s write-up. But one thing we both agree is that, “Remember that I won’t dislike you, but if I’m being honest, as early as now, I’m jealous of you. I have found acceptance, but I’m also happy someone else gets a chance to experience what I did. I’m sure you are a wonderful person. He looks at who a girl is first before falling in love with her appearance. It’s a rare quality in a man.”

                “I hope you love him the way he deserves and I hope he loves you as deeply as I thought he did me.”

Another important thing, don’t let him hurt you like he hurt me carelessly. It’s never his intention to hurt you but like you, me and everyone, he’s not perfect. At all times, be open to him when you feel something is not right. It will hurt and I feel you. But don’t keep to yourself. That’s something I have failed to do. My fault is that I was selfish to myself and only wanted him to be happy so took in most of painful things he did and kept it all to myself. I have found acceptance in all of this but please, learn from me. Don’t let him hurt you without him knowing you’re hurt. Don’t bare it. Let him know. I assure you he will listen to you and feel blameworthy and my only hope is that he makes up to you right away. You will always have these hurtful times in a relationship, that’s normal but it will healthy that you both talk about the matter and work it out together in the end.

And lastly, if he decided do something that will require the both of you being apart from each other for such a long time, respect it wholeheartedly and be happy for him. A guy decides for himself immensely but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you no more. Like I said, it’s never his intention to hurt you. He loves you but he has reasons, believe me. All he’s asking is your understanding. So be patient, dear. I trust everything works out for the both you. Take care of yourself and him, and your relationship.

Sincerely,

Aiko

I Only Wanted To Look At You

Where the stars seemed so near
And the city still sounds busy but still looked as pretty
Where the breeze felt warm and comforting
And everything felt as if it’s the best

We sat there
The breeze kept on stirring my hair
I kept on pulling the strands out of my face
so that I could see the scenery
So that I could see you.

On top of the roof, you sat there with me.
We were happy.

You said,
“Hey, this is nice. Let’s hang out here again, okay?”

As I turn my face to give you an answer,
My eyes closed to take a blink
My eyes opened and I saw my room’s ceiling.

I thought,
“I should get up and get ready for work.”

Image

The Anatomy of the “We’ve All Been There” Line

I don’t know what to think and what to feel.

And so maybe I thought;
-Not everyone deserves the life of what they seem to have right now.

We are mere people, some lame. Others, may seem to control the unwanted. Perhaps these are the new pictures of what is life to portray. Instance is that reality is at stake of being abused. But what for really?

And I want to silence one moment to stop obscurity, friends. Decisions in pavement are regardless of insincerity and of pointless actions. You know. Whenever the obstacles won’t budge, others instantly go on divine intervention, and others just desolate themselves in rolled-up blunts and glasses of bitterness to throw it all away. And others, like me, just sit in one corner and get metaphorically killed by these thoughts. Haha. Good times though. I think I might be just a walking brain that is quietly dripping with thoughts.

Come to think of it, it’s pretty scary to be honest. For I never wanted to blabber the words that comes in my mind out of emotions and by all out of the blue. And there’s no other choice rather than the spare pint of sight. I think everyone can photograph themselves in a what-not never-ending scene of choice. Both clarity and closure is proof when the trials get worse. “We’ve all been there.” Yes, we’ve all been there.

For now, I’m just glad that it doesn’t seem any longer.
The pain will always be there.  But I’m okay.

17th of September, Year 2006

I have held and done what you constantly wanted
The scars from my mouth barely make sense
Sure enough you have taken so much for granted
But what you have deceived has made me a mess

I guess I sought everything for my own joy and tragedy
Screaming and weeping all those feelings of woe
As my heart tears apart as it beats so much faster
I fell and crashed on what unto you I never owed

But I still here am, trying but it’s never enough
Frustration that is myself; the agony is portrayed with blood
Again, the moment is slow, again, it freezes
And you did not know; But now, six years had long stopped.

The Study of Two Hearts

What do I do when I open up to you?
Wished every motion would last without an adieu
Read every thought we wanted to do
This lovely secret only you and I truly knew

One simple wish I’d die to ask
Your smile, if can, may ever last
Just that one instant, wasn’t it too fast?
Then kissed beloved goodbye was a must

Let’s take the opportunity of this one dance
Speak underneath those steps and towards your glance
On each and every minute, I try to seize the chance
Show you how much I adore the joy of staying in this glorious stance

And take away those doubts of leaving you
That is my lone promise to you I’d keep
Life only felt as if it was alive is when I’m with you,
The most precious and dearly loved truth with me as I sleep

I’ll hold you by the warmth of my small fainted arms
I will carry the heaviness of you, never to be alarmed
Shower each breath with the splendour of our bliss
This was one part I’d rather die than to miss

The Mist

I’d like to know where you are but I’m afraid I don’t exist anymore.
So I’d like to know if you still see me existing.
I hope you come back. I hope you come back.
I hope you come back, help me breathe.
Or is it that I’m hoping that I should be the one to come back?
But why should I when there is nothing but nothing to come back to?
Will you see me?
And if I am not breathing anymore,
Will you still see me?
Do I even deserve to breathe?
Gasping, I am still breathing after all, or am I not?
I am probably dead. I am probably dead.
But I hope you still see me.
That is all I have left.

The Ballad Of Tom Waits

These are the wretched times I didn’t knew why
My tears fell before a bottle of whisky and yet they never grew dry
Each of my presence maybe you’d like to deny
I was damn worried but I hated to ask you why

Days passed I didn’t felt something to satisfy what it feels
It gets more lonely every time than it seems
Everything’s changed from the last time we’ve been
It took me the pluck to do it but I was after all waiting for nothing

Maybe, I thought, just maybe, maybe
But the all the beers that swig my throat weren’t enough to please me
Perhaps, I thought it was best for me to leave and let you be
Only know that I had better wishes for you than you never had for me

These are the days when nothing meant everything when I cry
I tried to forget, smoke a stooge and just give myself a sigh
I am worried but I hated to ask you why
I was just too damn scared that maybe you’d tell me a lie

(Aiko©)